I keep waiting for the fun.

This post may never see the posted stage-  but purging more of the garbage that has been consuming me is what seems to have helped me today. Wow-  I do apologize for my long absence-  but I have not been able to post beyond entering a title.  I have been far too busy to have the time to figure out what was wrong.  Apparently Blogger doesn't like the IE version on my computer. So- if I want to blog- google chrome it is. I am writing and posting this after a few very difficult weeks.  Things have been spiraling out of control inside of my being- and the outside hasn't been very under control either.

I have had a few trials and stresses, but after having a few panic type attacks the last few days- I have had a conversation with the DR and then we extended that to the in-house patients.  I have a great fear of having a breakdown.  Twenty-five years ago, my aunt who I love dearly had a breakdown brought by many stresses and trials in her life, complicated by post partum depression.  Then, a little over twelve years ago- my sister - came to a crisis point and tried to take her life, also brought on by trials, stresses, and post-partum depression.  I have mentioned several times on this here chart about my own struggles as well as my siblings and other family members struggles with depression and other mental illness issues.

It has been a huge part of life and this weekend I really came to realize that I have been nearing a breaking point myself.  I have known I had issues since I was 16 years old.  At that time, I didn't have a name for it, but I realized that something was not right or normal with me one night after driving up to Sundance in order to drive the car off the road and take my life.  Fortunately, my flawed, depression brain function didn't let me because I thought- seriously- that if I was not successful, then my dad would kill me for wrecking the car.  Not long after that, through what I consider a Tender Mercy, I discovered the name/reason for my feelings and thoughts.

I have only had these particular panic-y episodes a few times, and those times I lost it in a rather public way.  Today was a nightmare even leaving the house.  Going to church was the last thing I wanted to try and navigate, but I needed to teach primary and I love my little 7 and 8 year olds-  freshly baptized and so sweet.  I missed the first hour- after sending Middle and Youngest with neighbors.  I had several instances of having to very conciously focus on breathing and trying to get the giant ball of stress to release pressure just to get out the door.  Do not ask why I did not pray for help.  I have no answer other than I was just trying to gather all my strength to get dressed, look presentable, and walk out the door.  If you don't fight depression, those concepts may make no sense to you.  Anyway.  I made it to teach in time, and class went just fine, but then as we headed to Sharing Time, I just couldn't do it.  The Dr had found me before class and told he was headed home to take some medicine because he wasn't feeling well. I decided to call him- not really sure why other than I wanted to say "HELP".  I felt the pressure in my being building- almost squeezing my heart it was getting so intense.  To my surprise, as we were talking, he came walking out of a classroom right behind where I was standing.  I just started spilling my feelings out- right there in the hall at church.

The past decade or so has made me into someone I don't like, and who it seems no one else does either.  I watch shows where children sing the praises of their mothers and I know that will never be my children.  To them, I am the dictator, psycho woman who rules their lives.  I have been in this battle for other things, and have come out far more scarred than I realized.  I knew that I was damaged, just not to what extent.  I am judged harshly by many who have not walked this path and have no real concept of where I have been and what has gone on in my life.  I have walked it alone (with the sanity checks and prayers of my mother) People have worried about us and our situation, but not really about me. People would ask about the situations, other parties involved. It has been heavy- particularly the last year or two. During the darkest times, people kept saying to me and about me- "she is fine-  she is strong".  I didn't want to hear it then- and I don't want to hear it now.  I am strong- but that is not really a good thing.  As the Dr and I came to discuss today-  my habit is to try and be stronger- and to take on and deal with more pressure when I am already drowning. I begin to try and fight against any and all injustices and to hyper control the outside environment around me.

Some things have happened that have been knocking me for a loop. I have been dealing with rejection.. I have had my eyes smacked open about other relationships in my life. I was released from being a VT- now that was something I desperately needed a year ago when I was trying to work 60-70 hour weeks and still be the hockey/soccer mom as best I could.  To get that note last month was not a plus (yes- they sent me a note- no talking to me in person, long story but that is how this presidency seems to opperate and I might be the only one getting my feelers hurt).  But I am going to accept it as just fine even though it feels like they said- hey- we gave you one person and no companion to try and match schedules with and you still are a loser.  I don't think I have told the Dr about that yet.

This may be coming across as a big pity party- but that is not the intention.  It really is just to purge some blackness and hopefully get past this nasty place I am at.

Back to the prayer thing.  I am not much of a pray-er.  I never really have been.  It bothers the Dr a lot.  I have faith, and I have a testimony, but praying is not something I do much of. I do pray- just not very often formaly.  I have talked to Heavenly Father a lot when I drive during tough times. However, today and the past little bit, someone has been praying for me a lot.  The Dr.  He has been frustrated, upset, scared of what was happening to me, and there were a few of his prayers answered today.  I haven't had a single crushing pressure incident since I purged my pain to him.  We spoke to the in-patients as I mentioned, trying to help them see and understand where I am and how it is going to be a team effort to get me through this.  I haven't slept in weeks without the aid of medication, and that acerbates the situation.

I am sorry to my baby sister for not being there enough for her through her trials lately, but I have nothing to give.  I am empty.  I heard a thought on Ellen of all things, that if you feel loved, then that is the most important thing.  I don't feel loved.  I haven't been very loveable.  I have been trying the best I could to forge ahead and make life happen.  We had a major reconstruction of the Looney Bin a year ago.  It was much needed but the stresses of those changes, added to what was already on the floor- I am somewhat suprised right now that I am indeed still standing.

Have I mentioned my bright spot?  Our precious grandbaby who has a smile to light up the whole world.  She reminds me so much of her daddy and her mommy. After all the trials her mommy and daddy endured to bring her into the world- she is just a delight.  I don't get to see her or hold her very much, and that is hard. She is 5 months old. Five months that have just gone in a flash.  I did anticipate things would be very different from how they have been so far. But her mommy texts me the most adorable pictures of her- and those pictures instantly bring a smile to our faces here at the Looney Bin.

I am not sure if this post will be posted-  or stay up if I do post it.  It sounds whiney and I am not wanting it to.  This is just the tip of the iceberg so to speak of what has been going around in my brain and soul.  It has been forever since I posted anything.

To those in my life who are offended by me-  I am sorry- it has never been my intention to hurt people.  Sometimes I think it is like I am constantly being punished and judged by people who accuse me of being that way myself (I would be a hypocrit if I said I didn't have a huge problem with that, I do)

Feeling lost

I am at home - on a weekend- with nothing else to do but clean the Looney Bin and catch up on laundry, get Youngest caught up on her school work and take Oldest to work.  I already did my "work-work" for the day, but I can't get myself motivated.  Why, you might ask?  Well, I should be sitting at an ice rink, watching Middle skate.  I feel like I am lost.  Hope she skates her hardest-

Meanwhile-  Kicking this headnurse in the rear-  ready, set, go!

Lightbulb- or rather admission of guilt

I realize why I haven't been blogging.

Number ONE:  Too many hard things that have happened that I just can't blog about.

Number TWO:  Feel like I am so behind I will never catch up.

Number Three:  Lack of interest.

How is that for honesty?


When hard things are going on- some hold them inside (not healthy)- or let them all out (also not exactly healthy depending on circumstances) and some can filter rationally.  I am not so good at that, so rather than have the 2nd option happen, I have gone with the first, for sure as far as the blog is concerned.  Some of you in real life have not been so lucky as to be left out of the loop (sorry).


I have really wanted to keep up so as to have a journal record for our family-  and it is frustrating to have so many holes that need filling in order for it to be that.  The bulk of last year for instance. It has been especially overwhelming when added to the Number One Reason.


Lack of interest is kind of because I used to write a ton for a particular audience.  The Outpatient would read my blog so he could see the pictures without them clogging up the missionary email, and for my mom during her Chemo treatments, for her entertainment since she was stuck at home. Neither of those apply now.


I keep saying I will try to be better.  I keep not doing better.  I live in the Looney Bin that I am afraid is soon to become an episode on Hoarders.  Kind of hard to justify the time to blog when I can't keep up on laundry, dishes, and other chores, not to mention my patients and their schooling and what have you.

I am trying to get a grasp on my life, hoping that the myriad of issues with reason Number One will soon be mostly resolved (looking much better, thanks for asking).  I listened to a Laurel last night speaking of Personal Progress and encouraging the young girls to get it done as early as they can because life gets so busy when you are a Senior.  Honestly- not to discredit her (the Laurel) in any way because I know she is a SUPER busy girl, but I can't imagine Middle being any busier than she already is right now- so she and Youngest better get cracking- although Middle might have more time as a Senior than she does currently- there is no guarantee of that.

Anyway-

Confession : Blogging is just one more of my messes that I need to clean up.

New Record

Well Folks- here at the Looney Bin, the Head Nurse has a new record.  There is still a Christmas Tree standing in my front room.  It is (finally) devoid of decorations as of today- but still maintains the many strands of lights.  Secretly, I am tempted to throw it out with the lights still on it rather than take the time to take them off and put them away.  I am also secretly hoping that all the needles will fall off so the lights will also fall off by themselves.

I used to take the tree down on New Years Day.  Used to.

This year, I scrambled to take down my kitchen Christmas decor on Valentine's day- and hurried to put out my Valentines decor so as to not deprive my patients of knowing that there was another holiday in there. Somewhere hiding.

I am entirely busier than was ever intended.

Life

I feel like I should re-introduce myself and my ward of patients.  The past 6 months have been pretty tough going for the most part-  with a few scattered reports of joy.

Here it is-  January.  Many things have changed in the Looney Bin- mostly for the better, although the changes themselves felt like the world caving in for a while there.

The best HAPPY of all- is the anticipated arrival of a new patient!  Outpatient and LOL are embarking on that test of all tests known as parenthood- and have already experienced a few stresses.  I was barely adjusting my thoughts to the idea of maybe someday in the grandparent mode- and that very weekend- we received this:

To say that we are thrilled is an understatement.  To say that I feel even remotely like a grandmother is an overstatement-  but all patients are excitedly awaiting the future Princess-  Oldest has  been especially cute with his excitement- although he was hoping for a Prince.  The addition is expected Mid-April, and there is actually hope that she comes a little late- as that is finals week for Outpatient.

Um- Is this thing still working? June Cliff Notes version

So sorry for the unintentional absence of all things bloggy.  My only excuse is that life gets crazy here at the looney bin, and I haven't had motivation in the spare minutes to pull it together enough to post.  To illustrate my point-  I recently FORCED myself to take the time to get ALL my pics off of my camera.  If you know me- well- at all-  you know a few things-  ONE-  I take quite a lot of pictures, and TWO- I usually download them off my camera and have them backed up on at least two sources the same day or within a day of returning home.

Lets just say that I had 987 pictures on my big camera.  I had some of them on the desktop but not backed up anywhere else- so I didn't dare delete them from my camera.  It took me some time to get all the pics from Feb through the first part of July into appropriate folders and backed up as well.  I happened to be doing this while trying to get out the door on one more of my million and one trips I have been on this summer.  The DR was not happy with me for not getting on the road quicker.  I honestly can't remember where I was supposed to be traveling to for that particular trip- it has been that kind of summer. 

When Summer Break began, I had a few major things on the agenda.

One- Oldest going to EFY in June
Two- Middle going to soccer tournament first weekend in June
Three- Middle going to soccer camp in July
Four-  Buzz Reunion in July
Five-  Larsen Reunion in August.

I also planned on squeezing in horse riding lessons for Youngest during the EFY week and Soccer camp week, so that made those weeks busier- but still in the same time frame.

Not too bad, especially considering what our prior 9 months had consisted of.

WELLLLLLLL- that was the plan, any way.

You know what they say about the best laid plans????

They don't work.

In June we added another soccer camp- locally- and hosted one of the coaches.  No biggie- except I was out of town on Friday afternoon when I found out I was hosting - and I knew I wouldn't be getting home until late on Saturday night.  Add to that, the games got an hour behind- so we pulled in to the driveway at about 10- and I dumped stuff out of the car and took off to get a few groceries to get us through until Tuesday.  We also added another soccer tournament and then a rather impromptu trip to Oregon, which I found out was possible on Wednesday afternoon- knew for sure would be happening Thursday morning as I was making food for a funeral and leaving for the additional tournament by noon so I could pick up Middle and her friend from Girls Camp so they could make their first game, then took them back to girls camp so they could make it to testimony meeting.  I have a few Tender Mercies to share about all of this- but that deserves a post of its own.

Tired yet?  I returned home about 9 ish on Saturday night- LOL (she came home with me and Middle)and I ran to the grocery store for basic needs so she could have something to feed the In- Patients while the DR and I drove to Oregon for the week.  The trip was work related for the DR- but it is a long----- drive so I went along, leaving at 1:00 on Sunday.  So- I was home a whopping 15 hours to do laundry and re-pack? We managed to have a nice visit with several of our good friends while there- so that was an added plus!  We hurried home to be there for one of our nephew's wedding open house, arriving with not too much time to spare. We arrived home to a BIG surprise!  All the patients had been very busy worker bees while we were gone- and they had totally cleaned up the toy closet, the food storage room, and the room that will someday stop housing all our hockey gear and become a real live second bathroom.  Holy Cow!  We could not believe how much they had done!  We hurried to help with the open house, and then the next day we were able to be present for another nephew's baptism.  That was a special treat because they live in Washington, and it was held in Utah because he had an aunt get married the day before. 

And- Thus ended June 2012. Possibly one of the crazier months in my life.

Oh- and that tooth that I had the root canal in April??  Well- it has not been my friend. More on that to come too.

I will get back to May at some point.

Hot Flashes

This morning I woke up feeling very overly warm- and then felt that the whole house was super warm.  I asked aloud if it was warm to anyone else or if I was having severe hot flashes.  No one answered me.


My "hot flashes"  turned out to be a thermostat jacked up to 77. 

Weekly ReCap- Dec 12-18

Another crazy week- but not quite as busy.

Monday was typical- then on Tuesday, the patients had a piano performance- nothing too critical, they performed Christmas music for the residents of a retirement care home where our sister in law's mother lives-  We call her Grandma Billie.  It went well- but it was crazy busy with normal schedule plus trying to get to that with everyone dressed appropriately.  They played well- and the only bad for the day, was that although I did all the Tuesday stuff- I kept thinking it was Monday at the same time and I forgot a major part of my work stuff :(  . 

Wednesday- we ended up doing Tithing Settlement after an appointment- so that was last a surprise-  but finally- we were almost!!  all in one spot at the same time.  We had to give up on 100% attendance because that wasn't going to be possible.

Thursday things finally started to slow down a little.  Friday we headed out to go to see the lights at Temple Square, go to dinner at the Garden, and then on Saturday- to play two hockey games (both big wins) and for me to literally get 10,000 steps in just trying to get some shopping done- because Christmas was only a week away!!!  I have not had a minute so I am way behind.

I also taught RS this week.  Not my best lesson, but many sisters seemed to appreciate it.  Just wished I had felt more in control of my thoughts and calmer in spirit- but that is hard to do when you get up at 5:00 in the morning to drive 3 hours home and get there just in time to get everyone showered and dressed in time for church.

Another crazy week down-  one more to Christmas.

September's gone Already???

Wow- did the last month fly by or what?

Middle has played a lot of soccer-  all out of town.
Girls are back to TaVaci
All patients are back to Piano Lessons- after a 2 year break while Grandma was gone.
BYU Football has been a little bit Bi-Polar.
Outpatient turned 23
Neighbor/ Friend opened her mission call. To Germany.
Relief Society Tea Party
Nephew TC returns from Chile
Our first- born niece got married **-
Nephew TC reports mission.
Science Fair Project
Service projects

DETAILS:

Soccer-

Lots of traveling but they have won all but one game-  they are doing well. 


TaVaci-

Middle changed her other mind (at least 6 times) and decided to finish out her last possible year.  She will be glad, I hope.


Piano-

Regardless of what my patients might say to your face, I think they have missed it and are enjoying the progress they are making so quickly in trying to get back up to speed.  I have spent a small fortune in new books and music for all of them to work on.



BYU football.

Well- it has had its moments.  They have been few and the DR has/will miss more games this year because he doesn't want to miss his meetings on Sunday and that is hard to do with games getting over so late on Saturday nights-  the night of the Utah disaster- he and his dad didn't get home until 2:00 AM.

So far, only the girls have had a turn to accompany the DR to the games, because the one other weekend was too crazy with the wedding and our nephew's mission report- so the DR opted not to add yet another round trip out in that week.


Outpatient turned 23-

LOL had a party for him- and it was adorable! Woodland Theme- thanks to the acquisition of Rufio to inspire the theme.  Hedgehog cake balls, owl cupcakes, "acorns" from kisses and pretzels, and a cake like a tree stump.  Gummy bears and "sticks" as well.

 LOOK AT RUFIO'S PARTY HAT!!!!!  Seen anything cuter?

stole the pics from LOL's blog- since I wasn't packin that day-


Mission Call-

Friend opened her mission call- which has quite the story behind it- and it said Frankfurt Germany.  She is way excited and we are excited for her.


Relief Society Annual Tea Party-

Caused way more stress than it should have for us.  They had a fun idea to bling out shoes for a fashion show.  Thanks to our busyness, we didn't get to start until almost the last possible minute to create our blinging fashions.  We only did the girls.  We tried our hand at making cake balls (those take more practice- although they looked okay once we got them on the cake plate to display.  Only got pics of Middle's shoes-  Youngest had silver blingy healed sandals and she attached gold bows and big curly ribbon streamers which trailed behind her.

Middle's shoes actually turned out pretty good- but thanks to soccer practice, she and I missed the Youngest's play that she did at the tea party.  I felt bad about that and wonder why they didn't wait until later into the party to perform- since a few of us weren't there yet.  Oh well- other than Youngest being disappointed- it was fine.  Our cake balls disappeared quickly- so that was good.

Elder C returns.

Our nephew TC returned from serving a mission in Chile- he left 6 days before Outpatient had returned from Brazil- so it has been 4 years since these best buds had seen each other.  I didn't go to the airport- it was on a Wednesday and the week of the wedding, but the DR drove out and back that afternoon with his parents.  He said he looks great but thin.  Might mention here that he was serving 60 miles from the epicenter of that horrendous earthquake a couple of years ago-

Wedding

Our niece is one of the sweetest gals ever- She was married once before which was not a good situation- divorced a little over 8 years ago.  She has had such a struggle- but finally- she is so happy- and we are so happy for her and J-  it was a long time coming- and I have to say that wedding was possibly pulled together in the shortest time I have ever seen-  it was so creative and fabulous and I was so happy to help with the set up and during the reception.

Mission Report

We got up dark and early to drive out and back for TC's mission report-  it was so nice to see him again!  He did a great job speaking- even though I couldn't hardly keep my eyes open :)  There was another person speaking that day who was preparing to leave for a mission- to Frank furt Germany- and so of course I had to run up and speak to her immediately after the meeting was over and tell her about our neighbor- so maybe they will even end up serving together down the road.

Science Fair-

Middle had her project due- and that was shocking to the system-  I am used to trying to help with those in the spring months- not immediately after school starts-  but we got it done- doubt she will be going to the main fair-  but that is what I said last year too.

So-  for the most part-  That was our September- Cliff Notes Version-

If I ever get a minute :)

I have so much to catch this little o' blog up on- hopefully I can find a spare minute.  We have had soccer, mission reports, long anticipated wedding events, workload more than doubling, school (and can you believe hockey is breathing down our necks)-

I have some crazy health stuff going on-I better call in the morning and make a doctor's appointment- I think I have now avoided it long enough.

The sore tailbone since May- the crazy insomnia, dizzy spells, heartburn,  and other signs which would in the past indicate that I was expecting-  although that is totally not possible any more.  Today's major swollen legs are the last straw.  I even took measurements.


PS-  I cut over 8 inches off of my hair.  I should have taken a before pic, just so you could fully appreciate that :)

Back To School Spa PaRtY!

Fill in the Blanks- Last Full Week of Summer

Besides teaching RS (more on that later), The last full week of summer brought lots of last minute things.  Like 7th Grade shots.  You know, those shots you planned on getting taken care of all summer- and then- bam- summer is over.  Yep- those are the shots.  Big problem- the health dept was out- so Middle had to go the clinic and get a check up and then her shot.  Going to the doctors with her is so entertaining.  I dread the day she has to "really" go for a check up. 

We also had Standards Night- and since there was no one to take care of Youngest- she came too.  She was kind of bored and crazy as it seems- she will be there for real soon enough.

Middle and her friend B have birthdays close together, and so we decided to have a joint party- only not call it a birthday so they could both invite certain people that the other might not invite.  The girlies got together and made the invites for their Back To School Spa Party.  More on that later.

Friday, we delivered invites, and got the menfolk off for the start of the Bow Hunt. And Middle played in another 3V3 tournament.  This time it was Hockey and on Rollerblades which was a new experience for Middle.  She did pretty good though-and again- she is a competitive beast against the boys!  They ended up taking 4th- and most importantly, had a great time, but realized her feet are not ready for skates to be on them just yet.

Friday also brought a lovely phone call from Outpatient saying his car had broken down in Itty Bitty Town.  An hour away.  And itty bitty- like no stoplights- bitty. Oh the joy.  Luckily they were traveling behind his friend and wife- so they were able to come the rest of the way with them.  They were coming out for another friend's reception- which we went to Saturday night after Oldest and the DR returned from hunting, and then we got up at 4:45 to leave for Cougar Territory to listen to our nephew speak at 9:00 am before he leaves to serve a mission.

Kind of not what I had thought our last week of vacation would be like- but there you have it.

The day our nephew left for the MTC-

 he is headed to Massachusetts

A Series of Unfortunate Events

This past week has been a doosey for mishaps and life blips.  Today has been over the top.

It sort of has been that kind of a week, but last night began quite the chain of events- when for the first school night of the year- one thing led to another and we didn't get home and eat dinner until 9:00 pm.   Which is bedtime. Then three patients, three showers, one bathroom, to bed finally at 10:00 for them-  midnight for me.  Which led to the following.

Hyped up- but cranky patients and headnurse (well- the cranky part anyway)

I semi-burnt the bacon, the pancakes were less than stellar, and the buttermilk syrup tasted a bit like baking soda.

I totally spaced pictures- so I had to run out in my pajamas and ask my neighbor to hurry and take a couple for me.  And of course one of the male neighbors was out and about. And stopped to talk.

I was nice and let Youngest leave for the bus a few minutes early.  Good thing- because her bus came 10 minutes early and she had to run to catch it.  I did get pictures of her- however.

I poured the remaining syrup in a qrt jar (it wasn't totally horrible), which it fit into just fine.  Until I had my back turned at which time the baking soda re-activated and the syrup bubbled up over the rim of the jar and all down the front of the dishwasher and puddled on the counter.

I forgot three times to rotate the wash-  and since I need to pack for all of us to vacate the Looney Bin for the next few days-  this was not a good day to do that.

I then filled the sink with hot water to wash the pans from breakfast- I turned on the stove to warm up the bacon grease from breakfast so I could more easily dispose of it, and took a minute to email the company's insurance rep about some things, I turned to find the sink over flowing.

And while I was dealing with the water, I smelled burning grease.

It was about 10:30.  AM.

I wish I was kidding. 

The DR called at noon to see if I had time to cook him some chicken (he is on a pretty intensive diet plan right now) for lunch.  I talked him into using the leftovers from the chicken I brought home for dinner last night.  He had forgot about that- so he was happy to use it instead.

I sat down to work- only about 3 hours late :)  and wouldn't you know it-  there were tons of errors that I had to fix.  (Not mine, in this case.)  I opted to enter the data tonight instead since I still needed to pack. 

I did manage to keep the laundry going a bit better.

Then- patients started arriving home from school. Only one of them didn't.  She took off with a neighbor and Oldest came in telling me the neighbor was taking them to the waterslide.  OH NO, OH NO, OH NO.  Middle knew she was supposed to come home and pack.  Plus she needed to get all her stuff out of the car from the super back to school party we threw the day before.  Post on that to come.

Tried calling the neighbor's cell three times.  She didn't have it with her.  Nothing to do but hope she came home soon.

Then there were over a dozen sheets to sign and date and copy for the various class rules and whatnot.  Still not packed.

Everyone home and bustling around trying to get packed.  Get patients out the door to their various temporary shelters.

Waiting on wash for a particular shirt- oh- forgot to mention- for some reason a bunch of my shirts were missing from my closet today- and they were not in the wash either.  (long story- but finally found them after I decided that I was just going to have to stop at a store).

Washer is done- suitcases packed in van- pull shirts out of the washer to find the STRANGEST laundry problem I have ever seem.  Something in the wash turned all the shirts underarms PINK!-  just the underarms!  I hope they are not all ruined-  but I didn't have time to do much with them because...

We had to meet a mechanic in a tiny town an hour away to deal with Outpatient's car which broke down late last Friday night.

Got to my SIL's and you would think I have had enough fun for one day.  But no.

Fun surprise-  Outpatient and LOL have a new pet- a hedgehog named Ruffio.

Stayed up really late (early) to do my work and as I tried to push myself back up on the stool, I broke the bottom rung of the stool.

I hope all my bad karma is out of the way because I am headed to Oregon in a few hours and I am excited and want to have a great time.  I have totally earned it.

It has been a Murphy's Law sort of day/week.

It is now 3:42 am on Thursday.  I am going to bed.

ps-   I tweaked the post time for this so it would be posted on the right day.

A Typical Day in the Looney Bin (or Psych ward)

Today has not exactly been smooth sailing-  but it is a little too typical of the craziness that permeates everyone's lives today.

So- yesterday, it being payroll Monday and all- I totally spaced off both Oldest and Middle's orthodontic appointments. Until about 45 minutes after the last one.  I called up apologizing like crazy and they very nicely rescheduled for today.  My co-worker is off on vacation and I realized too late that I didn't get adequate instructions from her.  Oh boy- will this be a fun week.  So- I started off with trying to cover some of her stuff and my stuff before running Oldest down to his appointment.  I picked up Middle since she had spent the night with her visiting cousin at Grandma's.  I left out the part where the phone which hardly ever rings rang about a dozen times.

So- pick up Middle- head back to the Ortho- and nearly miss seeing Oldest walking down the street!  Not sure why he decided to walk- but oh well.  Pick him up and take him BACK to Ortho because we had some pressing issues to discuss.  Like the fact that his 12 year molars haven't come in because his wisdom teeth are holding them down.  Anyway-  hopefully a decent discussion about the next steps (he is supposed to be getting his braces on FINALLY after 4 years of waiting, watching, and pulling of teeth)Leave ortho office. So- I pull in to fill up the van before taking Middle to buy a shirt for her 3 V 3 tournament.  No wallet.  So- bag that whole part of the thought out schedule.  Home to try to get a little more work done since I have to take her back for her appointment in an hour- but instead, end up on the phone with the dentist and then the oral surgeon's office with whom I made the near fatal error of scheduling Oldest to get his wisdom teeth out the day before the Bow Hunt opens.  Do you have any idea how dead I would be if I did that to him??  Do you?  Well-  it would be very, very, very dead.  Luckily, I realized my huge mistake and called back to reschedule- so he is getting his wisdom teeth out and his naughty canine tooth moved to where it belongs on the 10TH!!!  That feels so super fast to me, but he will be glad to have it over with before school starts back up.  I think there just might be some tender mercies in there-  and I will have to let you know if my suspicions are correct.

Left in time to pick up the needed shirt, and then took Oldest and Middle back to the Ortho- and she still has many baby teeth as well-  but a lot are loose- so she has to do some wiggling of teeth for Dr W.  That means I get a little space between starting the two of them.  Reconfirmed the oral surgery plan and took Middle to her teammate's house.  I then went home and got my clothes and things ready to attend a temple session.  I left a tiny bit late, got behind a tractor (but of course), and then a grandpa on the highway going 10 under the speed limit (even more- of course).  The DR called to see if I was going to make it as he was heading into the temple.  Guess what?  I was the last one to arrive, but the first in the chapel-  and I didn't even hurry too much.  Had to leave immediately after to go pick up Middle from practice- and gas up my van- finally.  As I was in the process, I realized that the DR probably didn't realize I had "left the building" and so I hurried back over to make sure he wasn't waiting in the lobby :)  He STILL hadn't come out-  hahaha.  Anyway-  left a message for him and left again. I hurried over to the field only to find I had another 30 min.  Quick trip to the store for - gulp-  frozen pizza.  Finally- home and now I have a few hours of work to catch up on.  Oh- and did I mention that I took the time to text one of the guys about his missing work- and he is the one and only guy who didn't have work  to be missing-  red face hiding in palm of hand.

Weekend Wrapup

The Grandparents had their mission report talks this weekend.  Outpatient and LOL came on Friday and took the girlies to the drive in to watch both shows- so they got home very early in the morning.  I sewed a cover for the vent/window thing in our trailer bedroom so the sun doesn't come in so horribly early in the mornings (it is cute too). Saturday we did housework and LOL mowed the lawn while I did weeds and cleaned off the patio and the DR and Outpatient were helping Grandpa take stuff to the dump. LOL gave the girlie glitter nails on their toes before she and Outpatient went to experience the derby at the fair. Then- the DR took the kids to eat dinner with the cousins and finished off the night by taking Oldest to shoot his recently re-adjusted bow.  The kid's arms are now 73" long.  Basically- if his arms get much longer- he will have to have a custom bow made because his draw will be too long :(-  Say what? 

Sunday was a good but long day.  The mission report was nice then I let the patients go with the family while the DR and I also attended our own ward meetings.  The second Sacrament meeting was also over time- but also well worth it (even though my tailbone was screaming by that point).  Some great insights that I took note of.  Then I went and got Oldest and Middle so they could attend Priesthood and YW-  Since it was 5th Sunday- the Bishop was talking to them- while the DR and other counselor were handling RS/Priesthood combined.

Poor Middle!  The Bishop was speaking about chastity and she hates that kind of conversation worse than death :)  She couldn't get out of the building fast enough after church.  I hope she keeps part of her prudishness intact throughout her life-  it will serve her very well.  Ironically- I have to teach that subject in RS in a couple of weeks.  I think I would rather teach the youth than the older ladies that particular subject. 
It did provide some entertainment for Oldest- seeing as he knows her personality.  Oh- and the bishop had her stand up and repeat an answer she gave- so she was super red faced.  Oh well-  there are a lot of kids who could learn a thing or two from her-  from her desire to dress cute-  but totally modest- and her plugging her ears and refusing to talk about things that shouldn't be discussed openly and grossly.  Now- if I could get her to turn that down at least enough to really talk to me-  we would be golden.

The DR spoke on Forgiveness.  A topic very much in need in our home.  I know he was trying to teach me what he has been trying to teach me for the last year (in particular and longer in more general terms)-  without letting the whole class know it was a major issue for me.  He might have been afraid I would get up and walk out if he got too close to our personal struggles.  What he was teaching I know to be true principles- but about the hardest to live there is.  I want the world to know of the pains and hurts- and apologies of the most sincere form- and that won't happen and I have to figure out how to make myself forgive without it.  I do however- refuse to throw myself under the bus to keep getting run over again- and he says I don't have to :)

Anyway- crazy but good weekend- and I loved being home for once.

Well- that is a first for me

Today I had the opportunity to go to the temple for another Living Endowment session.  A couple in our ward that the DR hometeaches went through this afternoon.  If I could share their whole story here- you would be amazed.  It truly is a tale of a 180 turn around.  It was nice to sit and reflect at how the Lord's way has triumphed.  It also makes the 2nd family in our neighborhood to make it to the temple in the past year.

It was really neat to have the invitation to attend with them and to watch them soak it in.

Anyway-  that wasn't the first.  What was the first was the loud ringing of someone's cell phone right during the session.  Now- I am accused rather frequently by some of my family of being judgemental.  I am going to be right now. Fair warning. We don't even take our phones into the temple- let alone put them in the pockets of our temple clothes.  That is a cell phone umbilical cord that needs cutting. I don't think they belong in church either-  baring the occassional doctor or (in our ward) fireman or judge who is on call.  Then the ringer should be turned off. 

The recent doings-

Been really busy.  I know.  Big surprise.  Funniest part is this is supposed to be our slow month- and it has been.  Need to simplify.

We made a trip out to the dentist and then saw HP-took Miss Sophie to the groomers (ugh- she also came in heat this week)  came home- turned around two days later and drove back out to attend the temple with one of our nephews.  He leaves on a mission next month to Boston!  So excited for him.  My inlaws are home and report their mission on Sunday.  A nephew returns in two months, and then by the end of the year- another will return.  Fingers are crossed that we will be sending out another soon too- (really it is prayers instead of fingers you know)  We also had a nephew get engaged!!  So much exciting stuff.

Came home same day and then a day later we hauled the trailer up on the mountain and we just spent the last several days camping with a combo of friends and family- and I am just taking a quick break from hours of entering data into the database to give my brain a break.  So- I will update that stuff later (tomorrow maybe?)

But I am excited because I just made reservations for a return trip this fall to Moab for the Looney Bin.  We are going with the cousins we went with last time plus a couple of other family groups have said they want to join us-  so kind of family reunionish-  without everyone.  Looking forward to a few things we didn't get to do last time.  Like a few special hikes, maybe a river run, not sure what else but we have a little more time to plan and a better idea what we might be interested in since our last trip.

It is fun to have stuff to look forward to and plan :)

If you don't like it...

There are times and circumstances that are out of your control.  Things you can't do much about- like the lady I was sitting next to on Tuesday night  that smelled suspiciously like a skunk.  But others over which you have total control.  It never ceases to amaze me that people will comment on blogs or news articles or whatever about how they don't like something.  I usually agree with those who comment back about "then why are you reading this"-  Why, indeed.

One for the record books

We traveled to Cougar Country for the Independence Day Celebrations and arrived Sunday evening.  My mom and two nephews were staking our claim to the front part of Outpatient and LOL's house.  Can I just say- there is not a parade worth this?  And parade attendee people, you are very rude to butt in on people who have bothered to stay up and out all night for their places.  And all night savers- you are just crazy.  I was the crazy one this year.  And- yes, I stayed awake all night and morning and basically was awake from 7:00 Sunday morning until 12:30 pm on Monday afternoon- then I slept for 2 hours.

Middle and my niece Am stayed out with me the whole time, only going in for potty breaks. My nephew Gav- came out periodically, Oldest came out even less, and the other nephews went to a dance/concert until 2 ish and then they only came back out when the police were coming. 

You read that right.  We had to call the police.  There was a place next to the apartment that was selling food and drinks, and they also had a giant blowup screen set up with movies and then hours of Just Dance going on-  it was my entertainment- so I would watch them for awhile, or read my book.  The later it got, the creepier the people still walking around were.  We had a couple of different guys sit down in our chairs for who knows what reason,  and there was at least one incident where at least nine police cars went flying by to the library (guess people were shooting fireworks AT each other).  Noisy all night- firecrackers, fireworks, yelling, singing, motorcycles and loud cars and loud trucks up and down and up and down.  By the way- WHY???? 

Anyway- I noticed a lady over watching the dancing, and only because she was standing a bit crookedly and I just wondered if she had scoliosis.  Finally at about 3:00- 3:30- the Just Dance group broke up and people started drifting back to their places by the curb.  Well, this lady come over, and proceeded to put her stuff on the curb right with us.  I very nicely said- excuse me, we have this area saved because we have a large group coming in the morning.  She turned and said she just wanted to sit for a minute, so I said that was fine.  THEN she went a bit nuts.  I wish I could tell you the whole deal but that would take forever, but she told me I was illegal and that I couldn't save space (keep in mind that both sides of the street everywhere were covered with people doing exactly that), she yelled about if I wanted her to vote for the guy whose political posters were staked in the yard, she told me I was a horrible example, and then she told me she was going to go get the police- so I told her that was fine, please do.  She finally walked off, and I watched her start going slower and less angrily.  I chalked up her reaction to the very early hour and figured we were done.

Not so.  She came back about 20 minutes later.  She threw her stuff down in front and immediately started in- she swore at me, flipped me off, told me "I am not Hispanic- I am Hawaiian"- which had me wondering if she thought I was being racist- turns out she was being totally racist- she said that she paid her taxes so she owned the street and Hispanics don't pay taxes- anyway- she said many many things- and was getting more and more belligerent-  I got up closer to her to try and talk sensibly, and she told me she had talked to the police and they said for me to "bring it"- and then she told me she had a bodyguard- at which point I did reply- "where? in your back pocket???"  obviously by this time I realized she wasn't playing with a full deck and that made me nervous for the kids.

Earlier, the guys sitting down were making Middle nervous so she wanted to get Outpatient, and I told her to relax, I had my phone and I could call 911 if I needed to, but I doubted I would need to.  Famous last words.  The girls ran into the apt to get the cousins and I decided I had had enough and called the police- one of the questions the operator asked me was if we had been drinking or doing drugs-  I could vouch for my group- but not for her, but I thought she was just a little nuts.  I explained that what had happened and said she was getting more and more belligerent to which she started yelling at me that I was a liar- which of course the 911 operator could hear.

Long story shortened from here, the police came, also determined the lady was a brick or two short, and told her she had to leave.  By then, the adrenaline was cruising- my knees were shaking and the girls began bouncing off the walls.  No sleep for us :)  I did keep a close eye out for her just in case she came back.

The parade- too long- but the floats were beautiful-  Small Town doesn't have floats- but the parade is 20-25- minutes.  We made breakfast and cleaned up after.  Then I took my nap :). 

We had a great time swimming and having a BBQ at my SIL and BIL's house with lots from both the DR's family and mine. 

Then we did some fireworks- after my niece Am and I went and bought some of the pop its (snaps- whatever you call them)- and that became an adventure because they rang me up for 2,423 of them. 

All in all- what a day.  Next year I think we will stick to camping.



(PS-  I hope you know that I am very sympathetic to people with mental illness of any sort especially because I can personally relate- I truly felt bad for this woman- but I was worried she was going to start swinging at me- and her language was not nice.)

Side Order of Drama

For those out of the immediate loop-  here is what has been going on.

Last March- I found a letter in the mail from a law firm for Outpatient.  I don't know what prompted me to open it rather than just throw it away-  okay- I do know now, but then, instead of just assuming it was junk mail and throwing it away, I opened it to see for sure.  It was trying to collect almost 12,000.00 for an insurance company for a wreck that occurred in August in the State of California.  I freaked a little bit- and called the DR- and the company that sent the letter.  Talked to a guy- told him they had the wrong Outpatient (name was a tiny bit off- but not that much) and told him that Outpatient had not stepped foot in CA since 2007- and that was on a Senior trip on a bus that went straight to Walt's backyard, and straight back.  He said he would look into it and call me back on Monday-  oh- I forgot to mention I was getting ready to get in the car to head out of town for hockey.  Monday- no word-  and so on.  End of story- so I thought.

A couple of months ago- I had a really rude woman call for Outpatient- and the hair on my neck stood on end. She was calling for collections for a hospital bill in CA.  She wouldn't talk to me because he was over 18-  even though he didn't live here and there was no way I was giving her his number-  I told her the same thing I told the law office- he had not been in CA for almost 4 years.  She was not nice. Still is not nice, actually.  A few days later, a bill came in the mail.  Now- we were looking at almost 20,000.00.  NOT KIDDING.

Now- I assumed the bill from the hospital was in conjunction to the wreck-  NOPE- completely different time frame. This happened in DEC- the exact dates were when Outpatient and LOL were here in Small Town and easily verified by many other people than family-   including the fact that he played hockey with the Adult League and scored a hat trick in one game.    She wanted Outpatient to send her a copy of his drivers license and handwriting.  Well- we did not fall off a turnip truck yesterday- no how- no way was that going to happen.  We were suspecting ID theft and we weren't about to help out.  Anyway-  the names and birthday matched- but not the social- thank goodness.  But with that dollar figure involved, we called an attorney.  The "lady" won't talk to him either.  I am about to go ballistic with her boss, I am telling you.

Okay- so lawyer is dealing with whatever- focusing more on the lady than the first deal because it seems most likely that the law office one isn't coming after him- at least right now.

So- now, here comes yet another collection agency bill in the mail.  Hospital bills again-  but different agency and seems like a different hospital- although the info on it is very vague and NO Dates.  this one is ONLY 5,500.00.

So- I didn't call that one, yet.  Turned it over to the lawyer first off and we will have to talk with him next week after the holiday to see what else we should maybe be pursuing-  like calling the CA Attorney General's Office or something.

So- over 25,000.00.  And that is just what we know about.

My personal theories are:

More than one perpetrator?  But I really am wondering if this is a drug issue-  emergency rooms visits to get drugs.  I almost feel like getting on the phone and calling as many hospitals as I can find in the general area where these things have occurred.